(In the style of “The Soliloquy of King Leopold” by Mark Twain. For those who do not get irony, this declares itself to be a work of imagination.)
To my naysayers, to all the foreign-funded activists who call themselves Dalits even when they happen to be secretly worshipping Jesus on Sundays or Allah on Fridays or doing a combination of both because they are mixed up in that sense, to all these activists who spend all their time abroad and comment about Hindustan in order to pass their time, to those of you who might believe in them, believe in their words because it tastes of honey and treacle and the wine they serve in their Churches, I make it very clear that they have no right, no legitimacy, no ground, no real reason to criticize me. I come from the state of Gandhi, I come from the same Gujarat that produced him, and I am not a man who supports Untouchability, nothing can be farther than the truth.
These are the same critics who can write pages and pages and pages and pages of their English-Vinglish secular nonsense, but who cannot spend the ten minutes that is required to look at a copy of my book Karmayog, a book which is a collection of speeches, a book with many a speech like this one, a book that was published in 2007 when I was at the height of my mental and physical prowess, a book where I have made it clear, once and for all, for ever and ever that I view the Valmikis, yes, Valmikis, named after the same Valmiki who wrote the Ramayana, the same Valmiki who sang the praises of Ram Jai Shri Ram! Jai Shri Ram! with respect and reverence for their service. I told them that their caste vocation of cleaning up the city, ah, I don’t need the politeness and the doubletalk like the others, the sweeping and the cleaning and the moping, the carrying the morning soil, the manual scavenging, yes, all that work of being seeped in shit, was not just a job of livelihood, it was not about the meal deal, it was not because of the caste system, it was not because they could not rebel, it was because they had enlightenment, it was because a thought flashed across their head one day, and they realized it was their duty to work for the happiness of the entire society and God of course, may be in the olden days, bade garv se kahte te, that this was a job bestowed on them by the Gods, by Brahma himself, and that is why it has continued, for centuries and centuries, generation after generation, this cleaning up, this internal spiritual activity, this atma khoj, this karmayog.
But my enemies are rabid, they are senseless, they don’t understand the spiritual, they are keen to fight me without knowing what they speak, and so they burnt my effigies, not in Gujarat my brothers and sisters, not in Gujarat, but in Tamil Nadu, Tamil Nadu that even refused to be a part of Hindustan, Tamil Nadu where they break the idols of Ganesh and Tamil Nadu where they celebrate Ravana. They claimed offence to what I had said, but I stand by what I had to say, I am not afraid of them, I said this to rousing reception and a cascade of clapping from the safai karamcharisthemselves, there were at least 9000 of them, the same 9000 of them who deal with the waste of my wonderland, the shit of my state, the gross in my gutters, oh the dear dry latrines, Khushboo Gujarat ki, I told these men and these women, “a priest cleans a temple everyday before prayers, you also clean the city like a temple, you and the temple priest work alike,” and they applauded, they were happy, they were happy with what I said, they are happy with what I do, the temporary jobs I give them, the pay of three hundred rupees every month, some of them, the very old ones who have been doing this all their life even make three thousand rupees, they realized how lucky they were, they realized how holy their duty was, they realized their sowbhaagya, they did not crib of how two in three of them suffered from respiratory disease, they did not say that a third of them had skin infection, they did not cite such statistics about jaundice and blindness which could affect them. These workers did not come running with the 2011 Census in their hands, they did not say that 7456 homes in my state have service latrines where humans physically remove human excreta, they did not talk about these things, they only cleaned the shit.
Because you see my dear critics and paid media, it is not the people who criticize me, it is the likes of you, the likes of you who pass your days with these lies called statistics. The harijan log under me are happy, happy to have their heads in toilet bowls, happy to experience the spiritual experience. Work is worship.
But will these make my critics happy? No, my critics will have to endlessly quote the statistics, or whenever they are bored of that, they will statistic the court. Ha! There is no end to their allegations. They went to the court on such a trivial issue, thinking that a state can be pulled down over the issue of shit, and what did the court say, did the court convict me? Nahi. Did the court send me to the gallows, did the court order the noose to wring my neck? No. The Gujarat High Court knows that I am the vikaash purush, the man of development, the man of progress, and so they asked us to use technology, they advised us to use underground gutters instead of manhole workers. The court was worried that 26 workers have died in Gujarat, arrey, death does happen and there is no life without death and this is something that everybody knows.
Phir se mein bolta hoon, I was not convicted by any court.
There are Congress bootlickers like Buta Singh, he was rewarded for his bootlicking by becoming Governor of Bihar, and he kept saying that there are manually cleaned latrines in Ahmedabad, my capital city, and in Porbandar, the port city of Gandhi’s birth. My question is, will there not be shit if there are people? Such clear thinking clearly eludes my opponents because they are drunk on Italian wine. This Congress-Media-NGO complex, out to tarnish my name shall not succeed, because the people of Gujarat have vested their faith in me, because I shall give India the leadership it needs.
The people of Hindustan do not need another NGO that counts the 188 dry latrines in my capital or the 126 areas where manual scavenging is practiced everyday under the aegis of the Ahmedabad Municipal Corporation under my Government of Gujarat. These are tasteless people who do not know that the matters of the behind should be left behind. To these nitpickers of shitpicking, what could I possibly say? How could I prove my credentials? Is it not my Government that trains manual scavengers to become temple priests? Was I not the first one in the whole of Hindustan who understood the impatience of our angry gods, Paramatma pareshan haai, and that is why, I founded the Indian Institute of Temple Management, world-class and comparable to the IITs, an institute that exports priests to fifteen countries all over the world? And yet these people blame me and they try to find faults with everything that I say or don’t say, everything I do or don’t do.
They only criticize me; they never acknowledge even a single achievement of mine. Why, to confound these confused souls, I even went ahead and said that one should build more toilets instead of building temples, Shauchalay before Devalay, everyone who heard me at the Delhi University will attest to it. I want the people, the young people, the students to know that Narendra Modi is a man who realizes that there is nothing like a good shit and yes, they will know it, in spite of the efforts of the paid media and my critics with their foreign agenda and anti-Modi operations.
Read more here — https://www.facebook.com/notes/meena-kandasamy/what-modi-has-to-say-about-the-dalits/10151889978076659